Trey Parker and Matt Stone’s South Park has been on the air for over two decades now. It’s branched off into movies, video games, art, and just about everything you can think of. During its nearly 22 years of broadcasting, South Park has covered everything from the superhero craze to the legalization of recreational cannabis to the very real horrors brought about by mankind’s refusal to take Man-Bear-Pig way super serial. With all that in mind, let’s get to know the humble folks of South Park, Colorado a little better by identifying their personality types through Myers-Briggs®. Hopefully, diving into their minds will give us some insight into how to finally take down that damned Eric Cartman.
10. Mr. Mackey: The Adventurer – ISFP
Being a student counselor at a school like South Park Elementary isn’t a job that just anyone can handle. It takes gumption to get through a school year filled with shootings, vaping kindergarteners, Eric Cartman, and any other student-related shenanigans that might be plopped down at your desk.
Mr. Mackey handles it all, for the most, with the kind of grace and acceptance that’s rarely seem anywhere else in South Park. Mr. Mackey is compassionate and truly dedicated to improving the lives of the student body of South Park Elementary. He might be a little square, but there’s a reason so many of the young people in South Park look to him for answers.
9. Mr. Garrison: The Entrepreneur – ESTP
On the opposite end of the spectrum for South Park Elementary, we have Mr. Garrison. Mr. Garrison is not a good teacher. That much is clear. The rigidity and structure the school provides teachers is not an environment designed to help Mr. Garrison grow as an individual, which is something he actively seeks out. Mr. Garrison enjoys and thrives in the company of others, but when you combine that with his affinity for being in charge and his ability to play things fast and loose, you end up with Mr. Garrison as the president. On second thought, maybe a teaching position is exactly what’s needed to keep Mr. Garrison trapped and the world safely.
8. Randy Marsh: The Campaigner – ENFP
Randy Marsh is South Park’s resident geologist and pot farmer. Much like Mr. Garrison, has a hard time playing by any established rules. He’s always looking for a good time with the boys or trying to cut some corner to get slightly ahead. It’s not that Randy is incapable of getting these things without cutting corners, and it’s not like Randy is incapable of hard work when it’s for something he wants. Randy often finds himself leading the charge in the fight for things like medicinal cannabis, a war against the economy, and saving the… World of Warcraft. What Randy really wants is the freedom afforded to him by life at ‘Tegridy Farms, working the land, free from the hustle and bustle of the city.
RELATED: Randy Marsh’s 15 Most Insane Moments
7. Satan: The Protagonist – ENFJ
Leading a group of angels in an unholy rebellion against their sanctified creator is a fool’s errand for almost anyone. Yet, somehow, Satan manages to convince a ragtag group of angels into rebellion; that just goes to show what a natural leader Satan is. While Saddam may have taken advantage of Satan’s loneliness and exile during the events of the movie, Satan certainly wasn’t willing to allow himself to be pushed around for long. Satan is the ultimate Sweet Sixteen-Zilla; he has no problem violently taking charge and making demands whenever he feels it’s necessary. Even if it does eventually lead to an eternal exile in an EZ-bake oven designed by God.
6. PC Principal: The Executive – ESTJ
While we all absolutely love being told what’s politically correct by an overly aggressive white guy in Oakley’s, PC Principal really takes it to the next level.
PC Principal isn’t afraid of conflict in the least. In fact, it seems that he thrives in a lifestyle primarily fuelled by conflict. He has created a strict system of speaking throughout South Park Elementary and he doesn’t shy away from verbally berating anyone that rebels against this system.
PC Principal, more than anything else, is capable of determining the issues and building structures that are best suited to hiding those issues. It’s this reliance on structures, however, that keeps him from being able to fix the real issues that plague the school as they arise.
5. Kyle Broflovski: The Advocate – INFJ
Kyle has been through a lot in the 20-odd years that South Park has been on the air. One of the things that never changes about Kyle’s character, however, is that he’s always willing to fight against what is wrong. This is most apparent in his hostile relationship with Eric Cartman. While Cartman loves to blame his loathing of Kyle on his Jewish descent, it’s much more likely to be caused by the fact that Kyle is the guy most likely to stand up against the whatever atrocities Cartman is up to. Kyle is optimistic and altruistic, whether it’s taking on all the debt of the citizens of South Park or simply trying to put an end to Eric’s nonsense, Kyle is the best example of a moral compass South Park has.
4. Kenny McCormick: The Virtuoso – ISTP
Kenny may not have a lot of money or belongings, but what he does have is a naturally talented mind and the mental fortitude to make the best of any situation. If you really stop to think about the mental fortitude needed to go throughout life dying and being resurrected again endlessly while those around you forget every death, you realize there’s a lot more going on in this young hoodied boy. Kenny is smart enough to fend off not one, but two unholy wars, on birth earth and in heaven. He’s relaxed and capable enough to take on any crisis that is thrown his way. But then again, maybe that’s just something that comes from having lived so many lives.
3. Stan Marsh: The Explorer – ISFP
Having made it this far into the list, you’re probably a little shocked to discover that Stan shares a personality type with Mr. Mackey — I certainly was. However, when you stop to think about the traits associated with the personality type, it starts to become a bit more clear. Stan is charming, sensitive to the feelings of his friends and girlfriend, imaginative, and passionate. He can be fiercely independent and has a habit of being a little unpredictable. He could be fighting to stop Cartman from committing any number of atrocities, but it’s equally likely he’ll be ready to beat up the new Mormon kid for absolutely no reason.
2. Eric Cartman: The Commander – ENTJ
It’s not an awfully big stretch to say that Cartman is an extroverted villain. He is manipulative, demanding, vengeful, antisemitic, and just an all-around toxic example of a young ENTJ. Cartman knows exactly how to get things that he wants and there’s very little he won’t do to get them. Cartman has made a name for himself as South Park’s most offensive and repugnant citizen. Whether it’s grinding Scott Malkinson’s parents into chili and force-feeding them to him, or creating a crack-baby athletic association, Cartman is always plotting something new. And that typically means something horrible is not too far off in the future.
1. Towelie: The Entertainer – ESFP
Towelie is a lot of things; a friend, a stoner, author of a book that was named Oprah’s book of the month, and last but certainly not least, a towel. Towelie loves hanging out with his friends almost as much as he loves getting high. He’s a dependable towel, ready to fight off an evil towel or simply act as a reminder not to forget a towel for a friend. Towelie tends to view his world through a lens of feeling and empathy rather than depending too much on what others believe might be more rational. Towelie understands what feels right, and that’s good enough for him. Getting high just so happens to feel like the right option a lot of the time.